A Tattoo For The Memories
by Dustfingers-Angel
Summary: -Even Though They Weren't So Great (Featuring my OC) After returning from her recovery-stay with Bruce Banner, Amanda returns to the USA and the first thing on her to do list is update one of her tattoos, meeting her stand-in-father afterwards was not part of the immediate plan. Part of my Amanda West series. Disclaimer; I don't own Agent's of Shield *this is also my Avengers OC*
1. A Tattoo For The Memories

I hunched over the chair in the tattoo shop. It was late, technically they were closed but Dylan made exceptions for me. It was the same shop where I had gotten all of my tattoos done – my hawk, widow and my memorial tally marks. Dylan was my favourite tattoo artist, he'd done all of my tattoos and I loved is style. He had come up with the perfect design for each of my tattoos with the limited information available to him and I adored his natural ability.

My tally marks tat needed updated; I hadn't told anyone that I was updating it or why. The timing seemed right for me now – before the ordeal with the Winter Soldier and HYDRA, it was too soon, I was still coming to terms with the fact - but I'd had time and now I had the opportunity to get it done. It had been so long since I'd been at the studio – the last time was a few weeks after I came out of my coma and I'd come to get a tally mark for Phil. Dylan has never really known very much about me – I'd appear either very early or very late and pay in cash. He didn't ask many questions, but the brief amount of time we did talk had led us to get on fairly well.

I'd learned my lesson long ago from the first time and worn a crop top so I wouldn't need to hold a longer top up. Dylan started up the pen. "Ready?"

"Yup"

"Okay" he started. "Is there a tag-line to explain this one?" he asked, half joking; it had become my habit to give him a sentence worth of explanation every other time I was in.

I sighed, "This one is kind of like; I was an orphan then I found my parents then I lost my favourite parent in the divorce then he died."

"Oh, well that sounds… _complicated_ … as usual"

"It is"

It only took about 30 seconds to add another mark to my tat. The sixth tally mark on my tattoo was for Loki. I knew it was controversial, which was why nobody knew I was doing it. But the few times we'd seen each other after the invasion, Loki had been good with me. He had 'visited' without anyone's knowledge to shown me a few things to do with magic and tell me all about Asgard and especially Frigga; I'd been so looking forward to meeting her but Frigga had died not long before Loki. I had considered another tally mark for her but decided it wouldn't be as meaningful as I'd want it to be.

"Okay, done" Dylan leant back and grabbed a damp cloth to wipe my side. I twisted to my left to look down at my addition – I knew what it would look like but to see it there physically was always a good feeling. I counted them off in my head; 1, Mum; 2, Dad; 3 and 4, the unborn twins – who I'd named DJ and Charlie; 5, Phil Coulson; 6, Loki.

I nodded in approval, "Thanks man"

"Any time – saying that, _I'm_ gonna to get upset if I see you coming in here for number seven any time soon"

I brushed it off, "Who knows Dylan, hopefully the next one to kick the bucket will be me – not too soon of course, but before number seven comes, hopefully." I went into my purse to pay him but Dylan stopped me.

"No, put it away – it's not even worth paying me for. Leave it, seriously"

I smiled "Thanks, you didn't need to do that"

"For one, inch long line on your side? Seriously, I did."

"But you stayed open late"

"So? I'm usually in here late anyway"

"Thanks Dylan"

We parted with a one armed hug. I picked up my jacket and bike helmet as I left, holding then in my right hand away from my tat. I walked out the door with a wave, turned towards my motorbike and walked straight into Phil Coulson.

I jumped back, "Phil?" I froze, wide eyes. He wasn't supposed to be here.

"Amanda"

"What are you…?"

"Spotted your bike and decided to come see you, we've not spoke since you phoned me at the base. And before that… it was…"

"It was just after Sif."

"Yeah"

"What you meant was the last time we were anywhere near each other I was being a bitch and walked out on you"

"…Well, yes"

"Yeah… I'm sorry." I shuffled awkwardly on the spot then nodded and I saw him glancing at my tattoo. I looked away from him.

"Last time I saw that tattoo there were only four tally marks on it. That last one looks very fresh; did you get the other one after I… after New York?"

I swallowed, took a deep breath and looked up at Phil again, "Yes"

He nodded, and studied by tattoo, particularly my newest mark "Do you want to talk about _that_ one?"

"Not here" I walked past Phil to my bike, pulled on my jacket and helmet and got on. I looked back at him.

Phil scratched his head, "I, eh, I walked here… do you mind… giving me a lift?"

I laughed, stood up and opened up the seat compartment to get the extra helmet. "Get on." I sat back down and Phil mounted by Harley behind me, putting on the helmet I gave him. "I wasn't avoiding you by the way, I swear – I got back last night, I was taking a few days then I was coming to get you, I promise"

"It's alright Amanda, I understand"

"Thanks. Oh, and Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't touch my tattoo"

"Okay" he said slowly, "Where am I supposed to… touch?"

"Legs, ribs, shoulders – pick one"

"Shoulders it is"

I laughed and started my bike. With my driving style, it took a total of forty three seconds for Phil to go from sitting up behind me with his hands on my shoulders, to being hunched forward with his arms around my torso – hands now on the shoulders opposite from where they had started.

I spotted a decent looking bar just in front of us and turned in to park outside. I stopped my bike and kicked down the stand, took off my helmet and shook my hair free. Phil unwound his arms and sat back. When he took his helmet off he said, "Remind me never to ask you for a lift again."

"Oh grow up, we weren't even off road" Phil got up "Besides," I laughed "you _walked_. I mean, you can walk _back_ if you like"

He rolled his eyes, "Okay, _after today_ , remind me never to ask you for a lift"

"'Kay" I took Phil's helmet back and returned it to the seat compartment. I dismounted my bike and tucked my helmet under my right arm against my side, "You're paying" I told him as we walked into the pub. It was old fashioned, 'vintage' I guess, not overly busy but not deserted either – it would do perfectly.

"Fine," Phil held the door open for me, "I'm taking it from the way you're holding that helmet that the damage from New York isn't causing you much pain any more"

I was resting my helmet against my side, "Yeah," I nodded, "Got a nice, weird, huge scar but no serious muscle damage that's came to light, so it's looking good"

Phil nodded and we took a seat at the quieter end of the bar. I hopped up onto the stool that was just a little too tall to be convenient, and Phil sat next to me. We talked casually for a while until the bar tender got round to us and got us our drinks; Phil had a whiskey and I opted for something a bit stronger. As soon as the bar tender return to the opposite end of the bar Phil turned to me and said "Mark number six then? Who is it?"

I stared at him, shifting in my seat, taking a mouthful of my drink and swallowing hard as I tried to think how I was best to tell him that I'd tattooed a mark onto my side for the man who had killed him.

"It was Loki, wasn't it?" he asked softly.

"I… how?" I faltered, "Phil, I- how did you…?"

"The last time we saw each other, you had just found out that the last family member you knew was dead, and even though you hid it very well, I can tell when you're hurt. Loki clearly meant more to you than you ever let on, and I understand – I'm sorry"

"Phil..."

"It's okay"

"But he killed you"

"I know"

I stared at him helplessly, "Thank you"

He smiled, "What for?"

"Well…" I laughed, and shook my head, "everything"

Phil pulled my stool closer to his and hugged me tight, "You're welcome" I hugged him back, finding tears welling in the corners of my eyes. "There, there – I've got you, Mandy" he soothed.

"Dear Lord," I laughed through the lump forming in my throat, "That takes me back to being eight years old again"

"Eight year old Amanda had fun"

"Eight year old Amanda went on her first field mission and broke three ribs and an arm"

"And aided in the capture of a mass murdering psychopath. Besides, you enjoyed all the attention afterwards, wore the cast like a badge of honour"

I leant back from him a little and laughed, "Was that the year I made it rain love-heart confetti all through the Triskillion for Valentines Day?"

Phil laughed, "Because you wanted everyone to get 'at least one Valentines surprise'"

"Yeah"

"Didn't you get forty… _seven_ Valentines cards that year?"

I snorted "The first year I got any that weren't just from you and _Fury_ "

"The first of many"

"What can I say, I'm popular"

"Too popular – do you know how many times people have tried to get some soppy love letter to you through me. I almost expect it any time I go to the academy"

I snorted, laughing "Ha, yeah those are the ones who aren't scared to death of me." I sighed "You should have just done it; that would have brightened up many days"

"Yeah, but could you imagine Barton's face?" We laughed. We laughed and everything was better for a while, because if Phil Coulson and I could laugh together honestly, then things could get better – everything could get better because Phil would be there to help me through it.

I knew there were a lot of things I had missed while I was away but I could also see Phil didn't want to talk about it yet. We went back to the hotel they were all staying at, Phil complaining about my driving all the way. After we arrived, he told me about Ward and about Skye; the news hit hard. I could feel the anger building inside me and Phil helped me do a quick training/ cool down session by holding up two pillows in front of him for me to punch. Phil told me that Maria Hill had visited; she'd left me a present – a shoe box filled with different things she knew I liked, like she did for my birthday. I laughed as I opened it, inside was a few large bars of chocolate, Irn Bru, a wooden yoyo, a set of sketching pencils and a thick notebook, a few pretty gemstones and a bouncy ball; yes, they were mostly very silly but they cheered me up. I spent most of the time between opening my gift and going to sleep by chatting to Fitz and Simmons. Later I called Skye over and explained to them all what Lady Sif had meant when she'd said that I was 'the descendant of Loki'. We had some fun, messing around with my magic in the pool. Not long after I'd gone to bed; sharing a double bed with Phil like I used to when I was a kid – what had always been referred to by Clint and Tasha as some 'Baby Manda, Daddy Coulson bonding time' – yeah, it sounds super weird, but Phil practically _is_ my Dad.


	2. A Long Awaited Explanation

I walked quietly along the side of the pool to where Fitz and Simmons were sitting, "Do you mind if I join you two?"

They looked up. Simmons gasped in delight, "Amanda! You're back!" she got to her feet and hugged me, "How are you?! Coulson said you were upset when you left and then you were with Captain America and Agent Romanoff before everything happened with HYDRA and then you were out the country and we couldn't -"

"Hey! Hey," I held the young woman at arm's length, "Jemma, calm down – I'm _fine_ "

She smiled, "That's great"

I nodded and grinned then rolled up my jeans and sat down on the pool edge with my feet in the cool water. "So, how are you guys doing?"

"Alright, I guess" Fitz answered. He was distressed about Ward, I could tell, but none of us wanted to talk about that now. Simmons sat down between us with a sigh.

"How long have you been here?" I asked, dipping my fingers into the pool and trailing them back and forth, sending out ripples.

"We got here today, checked in tonight" Simmons told me, "What about you?"

"Hmm?"

"How long have _you_ been in town?"

"Oh, I got here last night, went out – there's quite a few twenty four hour clubs and bars around here." I laughed, trying to lighten the general mood of overall gloom.

"Where were you?" Fitz asked intrigued. "Before you came back to the States"

"Can't tell you, it's confidential – need to know only"

"Oh, never mind then."

"I was staying with someone, Fitz – it's to keep them safe, no other reason. I'd tell you if I could, I swear."

Simmons put her hand on my shoulder; "Its okay – we understand" she smiled.

"Thanks Jemma"

"Now, more interestingly – where were you when Coulson went to get you? He had that look; you know the one, the odd half smile while rolling his eyes." Fitz and I laughed as she impersonated Phil's 'look'.

I giggled before I answered, "I was at the tattoo studio"

"Ohhh" Fitz and Simmons unanimously chorused as they understood.

"Well, let's see then" Fitz said leaning forward.

"Fitz!" Simmons scolded, "Don't be so nosey"

I chuckled, "Its fine" I unzipped my jacket and pulled it back from my side to reveal my R.I.P. tattoo.

"You got another mark?" Fitz was confused, "Why – I mean, who for?"

I took a deep breath and looked ahead of me, "Um, it's _complicated_ …"

Fitz and Simmons looked at each other, Jemma mouthed something and Fitz shrugged before they turned back to me. "Amanda," Simmons said cautiously, "is it something to do with what, uh, Lady…"

"Sif" Fitz supplied.

"Yes. Is it anything to do with what Lady Sif had to tell you?"

I hesitated, frowning, "I, uh, em…"

"It is?!" Fitz exclaimed.

"Fitz!" Simmons chided.

I nodded and stared into the pool, "It is, yeah"

"Oh… you don't have to-"

"No – I was going to tell you anyway, but I was gone for longer than I originally thought I'd be." I sighed "You know what, _Skye_!" I called.

She looked over from the other side of the pool, "Yeah?"

"Come over here"

"What for?"

"Just come here"

She rolled her eyes but got up and joined us, folding her legs under her as she sat down beside Fitz. "What's up?" She looked exhausted.

"Well, eh, I've got a bit of explaining to catch you three up on." I twisted my ring round my finger distractedly.

"Oh, you mean the Asgard thing?"

I stopped and looked between them, "Have you been discussing this while I was away?"

Fitz hesitated.

Skye muttered, "um, we might…";

While Simmons said, "Well…"

"You _have,_ haven't you?" I asked bluntly.

"Yes" they all answered.

I rolled my eyes, but smiled in amusement.

"So," Skye pondered, "what brought it up in the first place?"

"My tattoo"

"Let's see"

I sighed and showed Skye my tat, "It's a memorial tattoo – each tally mark is to represent someone important in my life that has died. In order, they are; my mum, my dad, my younger twin brothers who were never born, Coulson and the last one I got added today."

"Who is _it_ for?" Simmons asked quietly.

I sighed. "Loki" As simply as I could, I explained what had happened in the run up to New York with Loki, explained how he was related to me and explained how he'd spared my life during the battle and helped me plan to win the Battle of New York. Then I told them what Sif had told me.

"…And she just looked at me and said ' _Loki is dead_ '" I sighed, pushing my hair back from my face.

" _Oh_ , Amanda" Jemma put her arm around my shoulder, "I'm sorry"

"It's fine"

"Oh" she hugged me tightly.

I patted her back, "Its okay Jemma, there's nothing that could have been done. He tried to save people in the end – he could have saved all of us, everywhere; surely that's a better thing to remember him by." There were tears forming in the corner of my eyes but I blinked them away, "he was mislead and confused and hurt and he did terrible things but in the end he _wanted_ to _save peoples lives_ , and that's good enough for me."

Simmons leant back and tried to smile.

"Its fine Jemma" she nodded, "Do you mind getting me a coke, please?" I asked with a smile.

"Of course" immediately she got up and went to one of the vending machines.

Fitz stood up, "Going to the bathroom" he muttered before walking off, poorly concealing the fact that he was deeply saddened by what I'd had to say.

Skye and I didn't say anything for a moment until she burst out with the question, "How can you _forgive_ him for _that_? Loki – how could you just _move on_ from that?"

I inhaled deeply, "I never said that I have forgiven him. And remember that we were raised differently, you and I – the first time I killed a man I was _eight_ , Skye; I see death and murder in a slightly different light. And Loki isn't like us anyway; he's over a thousand years old, an _alien_ , he only found out he was adopted a few years ago, then nearly died, and was tortured by another alien and partially _possessed_ by a space diamond that contained a _lot_ of dark magic that really messed with his already screwed up brain – he didn't exactly have an easy life. I can see why he's been led down a bad root. Loki wasn't perfect, but he hasn't _only_ done bad things; I'm choosing to ignore his bad choices."

Skye looked at her feet, "You've thought about this a lot haven't you?"

"I've had a lot of time"

Skye nodded, she was going to say something but was interrupted by Simmons sitting between us. "Here you go" she said cheerily, handing me a can of coke.

"Thanks" I snapped off the cap and blew into the bottle, instantly chilling the liquid.

Fitz reappeared a few seconds later, his eyes were red but I said nothing. No-one else did either. He sat down with us, putting on a semi-convincing smile. We were all quiet for a while until Fitz sighed and said, "Go on Amanda, show us a trick – make up for abandoning us for so long" he laughed to show he was teasing, sitting forward with his elbows on his knees.

I looked over at him, "Yeah? Like What?"

"I don't know – just anything, entertain us"

"Oh, okay, if that's how it is"

"Go on Amanda" Skye joined in "I've never really seen you do any of your 'magic' stuff"

"Hey!" I laughed, "Don't say it like that – its real magic so just hold your tongue" I chuckled as I got to my feet. "Right, feet out of the water"

Quickly they pulled their feet out of the pool, Fitz and Simmons stood up and Skye was quick to copy. I stood in the water and the others watched as ice beneath my feet raised me up a few inches to the water level; Skye watched on with wide eyes – I laughed quietly, I had barely done anything yet. Ice spread out from my feet for a metre or so in every direction. The ice in line with Fitz leapt up into a tall column, then gradually melted away to reveal a perfect likeness of Fitz, exact in height and depth and detail. Leo turned to look at me, his jaw dropped open – the ice-Fitz copied.

"Wow!"

"Oh my gosh!"

"Amanda, that is so cool!" Fitz exclaimed; the mouth of the ice replica moved in time with his (I hadn't yet figured out how to make them talk but I was working on it in my free time).

Fitz gaped and I let the ice-Fitz melt back down to the pool. "Is that entertaining enough?" I laughed.

"Yeah!" Skye laughed, "Amanda, that's awesome!"

"Yeah? Watch this." About half way down the pool an ice-dolphin leapt out of the water before twisting in a spiral as it splashed back into the water. Fitz whooped and Simmons and Skye gave a round of applause. I bowed mockingly with a giggle. I kept the show going with ice yachts and ships. I made I birds rise up out of the water to fly around for a while before diving back into the 'sea'. After letting the birds and boats melt away I conjured up half sized versions of the other Avengers; my friends laughed as they messed around doing their own little thing. First, Ice-Steve sat on an ice chair, drawing in his sketch pad and Ice-Thor sitting on the ground with an ice Mjolnir next to him as he ate a packet of ice pop-tarts. Then Ice-Natasha and Ice-Clint were sparring together, Tasha kicking Clint's arse as usual. Finally Ice-Tony was tinkering with an ice Iron Man arm and Ice-Bruce was at his ice computer desk, typing on his ice computer and drinking from an ice mug. I smiled to myself – each of these images of the team had been taken from my own memories, and each of the memories made me happy.

I let the sculptures melt away before rising up an ice replica of Stark Tower, post-battle, with only the 'A' left. Next I created the Triskillion, then the Helicarrier and then the Bus; I made them all small so I could have then all at once without using up too much energy. After sculpting them all I made the Helicarrier and the Bus rise up and fly in figures of eight around the two buildings. Fitz, Simmons and Skye laughed and said how cool it was before settling down to quietly watch.

From across the pool there was suddenly clapping, I looked round to see Phil applauding with a huge grin on his face, "Well done Amanda, you're getting much better at that"

I laughed, "Thanks, I-" I broke off into a loud yawn. "Urg, sorry"

Phil laughed at me, "I think you need to sleep"

"You're probably right"

"Come on then" I walked across the ice to the other side of the pool. Phil offered me a hand which I accepted and he pulled me up to stand beside him. Phil put an arm round my waist, "off to bed."

With my hand on his shoulder, we walked back inside. "There isn't a spare bed for you, sorry."

"Nah, it's fine – I'll sleep on the floor or something"

"No you will not"

I looked up at Phil, "Won't I?"

"I've got a double bed, their's more than enough room for you – it will be like when you were eight years old again and refused to sleep in your own bed" he teased kindly.

"Oh, okay then, if it's like when I was eight you don't mind me sprawling out over the whole bed and stealing the covers and pressing my cold feet against your leg"

Phil laughed, "You can still sleep on the floor, Amanda"

"You just said otherwise" I giggled and jumped onto the bed, flopping backwards gracelessly. Kicking off my trainers, I then crawled up to the top of the bed and sat cross-legged. Moments later Phil appeared with two cars of beer; he sat, took off his shoes then stretched his legs out on the bed before handing me a can.

"I thought you only drank on special occasions"

"You're back, isn't that special enough? Besides, it's been a stressful week" Phil chuckled.

I opened the can and took a drink before giggling, "We wouldn't have been doing this when I was eight" Phil chuckled and I started to laugh too. We and laughed and I shook my head, "We're mental, we are"

"Yes" Phil agreed simply, "we probably are."


	3. index

This story is one of a series. In chronological order they are;

\- The Adventures of Young Amanda West

\- A West Wind Comes Blowing

\- Avengers Assemble

\- Even Agents Need Time To Recover

\- Agents have Nightmares Too

\- He's Not Dead (Agents of Shield)

\- Lorelei (Agents of Shield)

\- The Winter Soldier

\- A Tattoo For The Memories (Agents of Shield)

\- Coffee and Questions

\- Happy Birthday

I'll update this as more stories are published :)

Also, there is 'Suffering Through' which is set after Avengers Assemble and varies in time setting, and 'Tales from Avengers Tower' which is set after all of the cuurent films and varies in time setting


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